If middos matter

I had four yeshivish bochurim over my house for Shabbos. They were decent American kids and it went well for the most part. But over time, arguments developed, at times they got fierce, even nasty. They were not hearing each other, not learning from each other. Each was locked in a position. The goal was to defeat the other. 

One of them didn't join in the arguments. He even said to me privately that he appreciated hearing my perspective as he hadn't heard it before. What was different about him? He was from Los Angeles. They were all from the New York area, Lakewood and Monsey.

I think back on that NY rabbi who told me not to live in Los Angeles because it was tuma par excellence. He didn't tell me not to live in New York. 

We don't see our own flaws. We don't see the shortcomings of our group and our city.

At the end of Shabbos, the guy from Los Angeles apologized to me if he said anything to which I could take offense. I told him, "I can't think of anything. In fact, I was thinking this guy is so thoughtful in what he says to people. Those are the ones who apologize."

New York frummies see New York as the best place to raise children, the most religiously devoted place. I beg to differ. If middos matter then New York might be the worst place.