"We only respect men we can't manipulate. It doesn't matter about his bank card. It doesn't matter about his height. We only respect men we can't manipulate." Sadia Kahn
So what do you say about frum dating where the man is turned into a servant, racing around trying to make the woman comfy, and happy and thrilled, and satisfied that he passes all the tests? If he lives in the data mecca of New York and she in Boston, he must go to Boston. If she is in Baltimore, he must go to Baltimore. I went to Toronto four times for one woman. She convinced me that it was my job. They all assume this, that it is the man's job to do everything. I once asked a woman after 5 dates if we could talk about the relationship. She said that was my job. It was my job to have a 'conversation' about a relationship.
And if he displeases her in any way she reports to the shadchan who chews him out. Frum dating is like divorce court which as a friend reported to me made him feel like a Jew in Nazi Germany. "The judge is a woman, the bailiff is a woman, the lawyers are women, the clerk is a woman, the social workers are women, the psychologists are women."
The whole thing causes women to not respect the man, which leaves her without interest in him. So she says no and they force the next man to go through the same routine. While we in the frum world love to brag about how we are smarter than the entire world. We do things to right way, they the wrong way. In actuality, our methods are the strangest and least effective of all. So there's a crisis. And the solutions proposed are never deep, never insightful. They always favor the women. What's the latest solution? It's not to change how dating works but to lower the age gap between men and women and have the men date at a younger age. We should have been doing that anyway as the Talmud advises and the Mishnah prescribes. But there's another solution. Stop the setup where the woman can only lose respect for the man.
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