Black athletes sometimes talk to young people about decision making and how important that is in life. Taking drugs is a bad decision. Joining a gang is a bad decision.
As many decisions as a person must make in this life, for frum Jews there are even more decisions as we walk such a narrow bridge. Yet, in my experience, decision making evaporates when a person enters the OJ world.
There are several reasons for this. Firstly, the rabbi makes all the decisions for you, and usually he does so knowing nothing about the situation, nothing about you, and with only 10 seconds of thought, if that.
Secondly, they tell you that the whole world is treife, so that knocks out all kinds of possibilities. What's left is staying in yeshiva or making a lot of money. Those are the only two options in America. In Israel, the two options are staying in yeshiva or going to the army.
Thirdly, they fill you with terror, so you wind up never taking any chances, just imitating the people around you. But worse than that, when you are filled with terror, you can't think. This is one reason that shidduchim is so painful. Everyone is filled with terror, especially the women.
Fourthly, there's the magical thinking, lots of you'll be fine -- having no way of earning a living, marrying a stranger, ignoring the issues in OJ that trouble your mind, moving to a war torn country. At the same time that they terrify you about life, they paint fantasies about frum life.
So there's not much decision making going on, just a lot of fear, imitation, magical thinking, and obedience.
And that my friends is not living. You cease to be a person. Your life isn't your own anymore. Yet, the kiruv people tell you that it's Your Life, Your Judaism and Judaism on Their Terms. Then they send you into what's the opposite.
The halacha doesn't dictate any of this. It's just sick culture.
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