No books?

I know a guy who attended a yeshiva for BTs that didn't have a library, just a half shelf of books. I asked him if coming from a university that has 12 million books if he found this strange. He said, "I figured oh that's what yeshiva is." In other words, he was suspending his idea of what is required for a sound education, even suspending a fundamental of education, which is books. He was allowing these strangers to dictate to him what was acceptable.

This is what happens to BTs. There's so much about the frum world that's new and strange, that they just let go of their sensibilities. Of course, they are prompted to do that at every turn. You know nothing, they are told again and again.

So here's a problem related to that. Frum culture today is dominated by New York and Israel. Both have their good parts, but both suffer from some unhealthy practices. In New York, life revolves around money! Money, money, money! Everyone's talking money in New York. And so, the approach to Torah life becomes very transactional. The goal is schar, which is like money. And you try to get this schar. And they have this formula that says Brisker lomdus gives you the most schar, so you do everything you can to engage in lomdus. Every thing else pales compared to that. But for that you need money. So everyone is running around trying to get rich. Does that sound spiritual? Your whole life becomes a rat race for money.

The logic is bogus. They base it on the phrase talmud Torah c'neged kulam even though Chazal also say tzitzis, tzedukah, Shabbos, yishuv ha'aretz, and milah are kneged kulam. The Mishnah says the main thing is action not study. Shlomo the King said that sum of the matter is to fear G-d and keep His commandment. But all of that is ignored and the kneged kulam about Torah study is all that's ever mentioned.

Israel has a different problem. The whole society is about militancy. They took the land by force and hold it by force. Everywhere are soldiers in green. So in Israel, militancy takes hold of the culture. Nuances of avodas Hashem are lost. You are in a competition (war) to study the most daf, to stay up the latest. It's a kind of Israeli macho that is visible even in Israeli yeshivas.

The BT walks into this and thinks, oh so this is Torah. He is already suspending his judgement and values, suspending them to strangers.

Some managed to survive in these jungles, not that they are better off for it. Some are so sickened by it that they leave the religion or lose enthusiasm for it.

So I'm telling you, don't allow your brain to be trampled. Your discomfort with NY and Israel is not your yetzer hara or your ignorance. It is good instinct. 

You have to figure out how to be frum while transcending it. Living out of town can help but the problem there is the culture is very gentile, which has its good spots, but lacks passion, and tends to be materialistic.

So there's no easy answer. Live where you function best and know the short comings of each place, even those of the frum people in those places.