You have to be proactive. You have to reach out to people, stay close to them. It's not just about being available to talk. The frum world is a jungle. It's packed with super dominating people who prey on the vulnerable. They want followers, they want bodies in their schools, they want BT money. Most of them don't understand baalei teshuvah at all, don't know that they don't understand, and really don't care that they don't understand.
A BT is like a child. We don't know anything and are easily impressed by anyone who can lead Mincha. We are swayed, conned even. We are told to wave fruit, wear boxes on our heads, and to slaughter Midianite children. Our brains get so confused. And they tell us to shut off our brains. Even in the Modern Orthodox worlds this happens. Every group is at war with the others and the BTs are cannon fodder for this.
If you bring people in, you have to stay with them, offering them good material. Tell them about Rav Hirsch, Rav Soloveitchik, Aryeh Kaplan, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rav Avigdor Miller -- all the people from whom there is ample material in English that is designed for BTs. The BT yeshivas don't tell you about any of them. They just stuff you in a Gemara. It's not enough to send them off to Ohr Somayach. You have to call, say how is it going? Can I help with anything? How are you feeling? Come for Shabbos. Can we meet for lunch? Visit them in their home - usually a run down room somewhere. You have to stay involved like you would for your own children. A kiruv organization has to have programs for people who made the leap into the whirlwind. Otherwise, stay out of kiruv.
It's not necessarily so easy or pleasant to do this. Most BTs go through hardcore adjustment challenges. They can be hard to deal with. No matter. If you want to be in kiruv, this is what has to be done. If you want the merit of outreach, it's not all fun and games.
Rav Moshe Sternbuch said: "The Kesef Mishne (end of Ch. 6 of H. Ovos Hatumah) writes that a mikveh does not effect purification for a person still immersed in it, but only he has left it. Similarly, those who engage in outreach work must realize that they cannot make do with delivering several shiurim in the hope that they will have the desired effect. Even those who become observant can fall by the wayside after the initial period, if they do not receive emotional support subsequently. Their mentors must follow in the footsteps of Avrohom ovinu. He did not make do with making speeches and inspiring his followers, but rather became a father for many thousands of his followers, who became members of his household. It is especially incumbent on kiruv organizations to ensure that young people find appropriate marriage partners."
There is material available to help people to hold onto their brains, their individuality. But you need to have it handy because the frum world isn't handing it out. For example, from the Maharal:
Maharal: One should not reject something which is against one’s views… especially if it is not presented as an attack on religion but is simply an honest expression of the other person’s understanding of faith. Even if it is against one’s religious faith, he should not say, “Be quiet and shut your mouth.” Because if one silences questions there will not be a clarification of that person’s religious understanding. In fact, such a person should be encouraged to speak and fully express how he feels. If sincere questions are silenced that is indicative that the religion is weak and needs to be protected from inquiry. This attitude is the opposite of what some people think. They mistakenly think that silencing questions strengthens religious faith. In fact, however, suppressing of dissent and questions indicates a weak religion. Thus, we find with our ancestors that even if they found something in books against religion, they would not simply reject it. (Baer HaGolah #6)
Have a booklet of stuff like that, and give it to people. They are going to need it. I have collected such material but it took me 35 years. Most of it came way too late.
Again, you have to be proactive. Don't sit around waiting for the BT to call you with questions. Provide the material. Build a proper kiruv organization that has resources.
If you meet people who are more mystical, tell them about Chassidus or Kabbalah. If you meet people who are clean and organized, tell them about the Yekkes in Washington Heights. If you meet people who are philosophical, tell them about Rabbi Soloveitchik. If you do nothing but sit back and wait for them to call you, they are going to get swallowed up by the yeshiva crowd as they are the most aggressive and ruthless really.
Tell them about the expensiveness of Orthodox Jewish life. They need to be warned. Tell them that the quantity of people of the opposite sex that is available to them has just gone from 500 million to about 50 people. If they meet somebody decent, they have to realize that this may be it. Don't assume there's somebody else. But tell them no to rush it. BTs need to take more time when they date.
There's lots of information that needs to be shared.
No comments:
Post a Comment