Religion and life as a math formula

When I look back on every stupid decision I have made over the last 40 years, the primary cause was yeshivish rabbis. I missed out on numerous opportunities to improve my life: chances to live in places where I could be most productive and happy as a Jew and where it would be optimal for raising children, chances to find a parnassah that didn't feel like torture, meaningful financial opportunities, opportunities to find a suitable religious derech, opportunities in shiduchim. Every single time yeshivish rabbis got in the way and steered me wrong. I'm not the only one. I know numerous people like this.

And as comedian Sam Kinison would say, "There's a reason. There's a reason for this." Maybe there's more than one, but here's one of the big ones. It's this:  They operate from a math formula, which can be represented as follows:

The next world ≫ this world (means infinitely greater).
For the earning of the next world, pilpul ≫ any activity in this world.

∴ (therefore) build your life around pilpul.

Pilpul means talmudic disputation concerning abstractions on the chapters of yeshivishe tractates of the Talmud that are most suitable for pilpul. This, in their warped minds, is greater than all other forms of study as well as mitzvos. 

Here's how it plays it in real life:

Start boys on pilpul at as young an age as possible, even the age of 7 in some places. Discourage, even mock, all other forms of study. And don't call it study, call it 'learning' even when you are speaking English even though the correct term for this activity is studying. Learning or לערנען is the Yiddish word for study. Studying is the "application of the mental faculties to the acquisition of knowledge." Learning is "to gain knowledge or understanding of or skill in by study, instruction, or experience." The difference is subtle but not insignificant particularly when it comes to pilpul. Generally, English speakers talk of studying as an ongoing activity. Learning is limited in duration and results in concrete knowledge. I am studying physics. I learned how to ride a bike. See the difference? Pilpul is forever and doesn't result in concrete knowledge. I don't know if it even qualifies as studying. It's more like mental you know what, but it's certainly not learning. By using the wrong word, or warping the meaning of the English word "learning", the mind becomes confused, becomes mystified. In that state, it is easily manipulated into feeling as though this activity carries unique religious significance. The person confuses the feeling of confusion with genuine religious feeling. 

Never leave yeshiva, and if you do consider yourself a failure.

Never get job training, never think about parnassah until you realize that you have failed and must leave yeshiva.

If you fail and get a parnassah, make it one that produces as much money as possible so that you can retire young and engage full-time in pilpul and in the meantime pay for the pilpul of others.

Avoid mitzvos. They are inferior to 'learning.' Since the subject of the Talmud is mitzvos, we can't entirely abandon mitzvos. We are not like those rebels of the 19th century that went 'off the derech.' Rather, we the mitzvos them superficially with the attitude of "you gotta do what you gotta do," as one famous 'talmid chocham' said to me.  

Push off marriage as long as possible. When you get married, marry somebody who values pilpul or is rich and can pay for it. This is why the women always ask if you have a chavrusa in Gemara every night. Has to be Gemara and has to be with a chavrusa. 

When you marry, marry somebody who can have lots of children. Why? Because they will engage in pilpul or have children that do.

Live near a yeshiva or better yet lots of them as then the atmosphere will be rich with the push for pilpul. This means live in New York or certain parts of Israel because they have the most yeshivas. Everywhere else is deemed as pilpul light. The advantage of New York is that you can become rich there. The advantage of Israel is that the air makes you better in pilpul. 

You must have a single rav. And the best one is the one who knows the most pilpul.

So let's examine all this. Is study the way to olam haba? The Rambam says knowledge of G-d is the best way. Knowledge includes study of science and it includes performing mitzvos as that puts the knowledge inside of your body. It can't just be in your head. The Rambam wrote the Mishneh Torah because he deemed knowledge of the mitzvos the most essential form of Torah study. The Vilna Gaon says that just as the purpose of the tree is fruit, the purpose of study is action. 

Pilpul itself is a new invention, from the early 20th century. How can we trust it at all, no less put all our eggs in that basket? The pilpulists love to claim that they have the mesorah and they don't change "one iota" from the traditions of their ancestors, yet they spend all day long engaged in a novel form of study.

The pilpulists talk of schar as if it's money. The Ramchal tells us that the reward of the next world is being with G-d. How can you achieve that if you never talk about Him. So the pilpulists will tell you that "the Gemara is god." (Actual quote). Do you want to talk about idolatry now? They'll tell you that their mental gymnastics which is applied nearly entirely to parts of the Gemara that don't talk about G-d as the way to heaven, that by ignoring G-d you can get schar, which is fitting since they see schar as money, not as anything connected to the Divine. It's not as if you have to talk about G-d every second, but if you never talk about Him, your study will be for your own glory or to be a famous talmid chocham. Should our goal be to be a famous talmid chocham? That's all that pilpulists ever talk about. The Tanya tells us that the person who studies only for glory or not for the sake of G-d, all his study goes to the sitra achra, which explains why so many of these people are so rude.

Should our goal be to earn reward? The Mishnah says not to be out for reward but to serve the Master. Chassidus talks of building a dwelling place for the Divine in this world. 

Should we all live in NY or Israel where the middos are atrocious? What about middos? Derech eretz kadmah l'Torah. You can't even be any kind of real Torah scholar without good middos. 

Will you actually become rich in NY? Or let me ask it differently, will you become financially independent there when housing costs a  million dollars and weddings go for $80,000? NY may produce more filthy rich people but it produces more struggling people. But since the Rosh Yeshivas want the financial support of multi-millionaires they want you in NY, even though most likely living in NY will leave you working 60 hours a week and not doing pilpul very much. It's the same logic as keeping everyone in yeshiva so you can produce a few "gadolim" even though that policy destroys many bochurim. You keep everyone in NY to produce a few multi-millionaires even though most people are ruined by it. 

Aside from that, the Duties of the Heart says to take up an occupation that matches your nature. You will not make any less money that way. Your income is decreed and based on your religious actions, not your pursuit of money. Rav Shimon Schwab, originally from Frankfurt, told me, "Don't try to become rich." 

What about your interests? When I was becoming frum I expressed to one of my handlers my concern that I'd be forced to give up all my interests. He said without pause as if operating from a practiced sales line, "Anything you do now you'll be better at." It is a standard kiruv line, and it's baloney because as soon as you step into the yeshiva world, all interests are banned. Only pilpul is permitted. I remember when I was thirty and unmarried and broke and the rabbis at my yeshiva wouldn't even let me get a job cleaning a shul half an hour a day.

When you abandon all your interests you become robotic and unhappy. Yet, gratitude to G-d is a primary activity of being Jewish. You will not have gratitude if you are unhappy. So they'll shame you for this and tell you to be happy that you have legs! And you can only go so far with that, but people do try and pound their heads to be happy about the legs when really their lives are miserable. Legs are great, but if they only take you to places you don't enjoy, you aren't going to appreciate them.

They say go to yeshivish rabbis for all your life decisions. You must have a rav. They are so wise and you are a fool. These are the two messages of the yeshiva world: study Torah (pilpul) and have a rav. The latter enforces the former. You don't even have to believe in God, but you must have a rav. And what does the rav tell you? To engage all day long in pilpul. And the result, at least in my case, was ruination in every major area of life. There are others I could list, including health decisions.

Here's the math formula again:

next world ≫ this world
pilpul ≫ any other means of gaining the next world
∴ do only pilpul

It's a specific type of math formula. It's a financial calculation and the currency of the payout is called schar. It's no wonder that this outlook achieved it's most grotesque form in New York, the financial capital of the world, and a place obsessed with money. Just picture Donald Trump who is from Queens, NYC. Every Jewish society is affected by its surroundings and we are no exception.

The aggadata is 1/6 of the Talmud, but these clowns have reduced it to a math formula that serves their interest, gives them a nearly atheistic religious derech, gives them a parnassah, gives them societal power. And you? Pain. Mitzvos are lost. Parnassah is lost. Happiness is lost. Judaism is lost. Hashem is lost.

But you are not allowed to question this because "we listen to the gadolim of our times." But they don't. Because the Chazon Ish was critical of pilpul and said studying Gemara all day long is ridiculous. And even if he hadn't said that, Shlomo the King said "the sum of the matter is to fear God and keep His commandments." What if the leaders of your day contradicted him. Should you listen to them? And the answer is NO. Isn't that what they did in the Northern Kingdom? Where are they now? We don't know. 

What is Shavuous?

Shemos 23:16 refers to Shavuous as the "festival of the harvest" חַ֤ג הַקָּצִיר֙:

And the festival of the harvest, the first fruits of your labors, which you will sow in the field, and the festival of the ingathering at the departure of the year, when you gather in [the products of] your labors from the field.

וְחַ֤ג הַקָּצִיר֙ בִּכּוּרֵ֣י מַֽעֲשֶׂ֔יךָ אֲשֶׁ֥ר תִּזְרַ֖ע בַּשָּׂדֶ֑ה וְחַ֤ג הָֽאָסִף֙ בְּצֵ֣את הַשָּׁנָ֔ה בְּאָסְפְּךָ֥ אֶת־מַֽעֲשֶׂ֖יךָ מִן־הַשָּׂדֶֽה 

Calling Shavuous a harvest is not materialistic, or baal ha-batish, or goyish. The Torah calls it this. Shavuous highlights the wheat harvest, which for all you city slickers means the gathering of the wheat that Ha-Shem caused to grow on the fields so that it can be placed in plastic bags in grocery stores so that we can eat and enjoy it and have energy to live and not writhe around in hunger pains as  children are experiencing now in Gaza. 

Bread doesn't grow in slices from the ground wrapped in plastic bags. It starts as wheat. Actually it starts as seeds that Ha-Shem created, that Ha-Shem turned into wheat stalks from which humans that Ha-Shem created strip off the grain using tools that Ha-Shem guided humans to manufacture using materials that Ha-Shem put in the earth. The Divinely created humans ground the grain, mix with water and yeast, and bake in ovens that Ha-Shem made possible. The Divinely created humans slice the bread and put it into plastic bags, which are formed via a Divinely guided process of their own, then ship them to the grocery store in trucks, which are formed via a Divinely guided process of their own, driven by drivers created by Ha-Shem. Ha-Shem causes all of this to happen for the benefit of the human race (yes, goyim too). As we know from the rules of the MITZVAH of birchos ha-mazon, bread symbolizes all food.

Exodus 34:22 terms the holiday "Weeks," the time of the wheat harvest.

And you shall make for yourself a Festival of Weeks, the first of the wheat harvest, and the festival of the ingathering, at the turn of the year.

וְחַ֤ג שָֽׁבֻעֹת֙ תַּֽעֲשֶׂ֣ה לְךָ֔ בִּכּוּרֵ֖י קְצִ֣יר חִטִּ֑ים וְחַג֙ הָ֣אָסִ֔יף תְּקוּפַ֖ת הַשָּׁנָֽה

So which is it, a festival of the harvest or weeks? Why two terms? Is that just to confuse us? And why call it "weeks"? What does that mean? Leviticus 23:16 provides an answer as it tells us to count the days and weeks between the barley harvest (which happens at Pesach) and the wheat harvest (which happens on Shavuous):

You shall count until the day after the seventh week, [namely,] the fiftieth day, [on which] you shall bring a new meal offering to the Lord.

עַ֣ד מִמָּֽחֳרַ֤ת הַשַּׁבָּת֙ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֔ת תִּסְפְּר֖וּ חֲמִשִּׁ֣ים י֑וֹם וְהִקְרַבְתֶּ֛ם מִנְחָ֥ה חֲדָשָׁ֖ה לַֽיהֹוָֽה 

On the holiday of "Weeks" we finalize the MITZVAH of counting the days and weeks between these two periods of time where we gather in the food that Ha-Shem prepared for us. That is why the holiday is called "Weeks." 

Why are we counting these weeks? Rabbi Avigdor Miller explains that Shavuous is a time of gratitude. On Shavuous we engage in the MITZVAH of gratitude to the Almighty G-d Who feeds us out of love. He says that is why we count up instead of down. Usually people say, it's three days until my birthday. Two days. We count down for something exciting. Here, we count up, because we are counting up all the food that Ha-Shem has given us. On Shavuous, we contemplate our dependency on Ha-Shem, our trust in Him, His love for us, His characteristic of loving-kindness for all His  creatures, and the infinite genius involved in His creation of the world and His generation of food. All of this contemplation involves MITZVAH after MITZVAH.

We commonly refer to this MITZVAH of counting as the counting of the Omer. What is that? The word omer literally refers to an ancient dry measure of grain. See how Judaism is a religion that doesn't retreat from the world, from "prosaic" life. It is a religion that engages all of life and doesn't take place merely in a monastery or yeshiva.

In addition to the many MITZVOS of contemplating Ha-Shem and expressing gratitude to Him, we have the MITZVAH of bringing special offerings at both ends of this period of time:

On both occasions, special grain offerings were brought in the ancient Temple — on Passover a barley offering, and on Shavuot loaves of bread from choice flour. (korban of the Shtei HaLechem). The word omer literally refers to an ancient dry measure of grain. (My Jewish Learning)

Thus, the MITZVAH of counting is sandwiched between the MITZVAH of the barley offering and the MITZVAH of the bread offering. 

But there's more. On Shavuous, all men above age 13 have the MITZVAH of traveling to Jerusalem to the Temple where Ha-Shem's presence is more evident and we where we do not arrive empty handed. Rather, we engage in the MITZVAH of bringing a burnt offering and the MITZVAH of bringing various peace offerings (Exodus 23:14-17, 34:23-24, Deut. 16:16-17). Men would travel as much as 15 days for this journey. (Mishna Ta’anit 1:3; article from Aish)

MITZVOS, upon MITZVOS, upon MITZVOS. And where do we learn about these MITZVOS. The Torah teaches us about them. And so it happens that Shavuous is also a holiday where we commemorate the receiving of the Torah, that guidebook that teaches us about the MITZVOS that we perform. (Pesachim 68b, Shabbat 86b, article from YU) 

On the day at the end of the counting we received the Torah which means we received the imperative to engage in all these MITZVOS, one of which is to learn about them. 

But what has Shavuous become in our times? In almost every place you will go it is the day where we received the Torah that we study. It's like the first day of college where you go and buy all your textbooks and course packs. Then you go the pub and try to meet someone of the opposite sex, or in our times, even the same sex. In colleges today you study, you don't develop character or learn manners as they did 80 years ago. That's what Shavuous has become.

A custom developed several centuries ago to study on Shavuous excerpts from all twenty-four books of the Tanach and all sixty-three tractates of the Mishna, all of which teach us about MITZVOS, including basic principles of emunah which is a MITZVAH.

In our times on Shavuous most yeshivas force the bochurim to engage in abstract disputation of the yeshivishe mesechta that the yeshiva has them study every single day and night. They don't learn about performance of mitzvos. They learn to debate their derivation in an abstract manner. To a large extent what they have done is effectively tossed away the mitzvos (the effect represented here with lower case letters) or at least de-emphasized them and emphasized intellectual abstraction. They relish the "svara" the logical inference. That, rather than awareness of Ha-Shem or service to Him, the svara is what excites them. To them, the joy of Shavuous is the joy of the svara. The litany of MITZVOS that surround Shavuous and the sense of receiving the mandate to observe the MITZVOS of the Torah at Sinai is lost. 

In Modern Orthodox circles, you go to synagogue and hear classes about the state of Israel and perhaps something about halachic questions such as should hostages be traded for terrorists.

Baalei tshuvah come into the religion and absorb these messages. Becoming frum means either learning to engage in pilpul or moving to Israel. Just as most so-called frum people today observe the commandments of the Torah only superficially, the chozer b'teshuvah doesn't really become a baal teshuvah, doesn't really experience the revelation of Torah and acceptance of its yoke.

Their yeshivish handlers tell them to move to Brooklyn so they can "soar" in Torah study, ie. pilpul, and the Modern ones tell them to move to Israel where they can participate in the building of the state.

But what about all those MITZVOS? The main task of the Jew is MITZVOS! You see that by the way the Torah talks about Shavuous. You see it also in Koheles. Shlomo, at the end of the book the wisest man says, "The end of the matter is to fear Ha-Shem and keep His COMMANDMENTS. That is the sum of the man." (13:12)

Thus, when we go about our lives, we must determine how can I best observe the COMMANDMENTS. If I move to Israel and live in poverty in a tiny apartment where the children have no room to play and beat each other up instead, to Israel where arrogance and chutzpah pour down the street like water during a flood, to Israel where the government and non-religious Jewish sinners are obsessed with the notion of drafting all Haredim into the anti-religious brainwashing machine that today engages in horrible violence -- if I move to this place what will happen to my MITZVOS?

If you live in New York, where houses cost $1 million and you or your spouse or both of you have to work 60 hours a week in a brutal, stressful job and come home and collapse on the floor in a knot of tension, will that help my performance of MITZVOS?

It doesn't matter if every person you know talks about moving to Israel or living in New York where you came for shiduchim. You have a job to do and that's to observe the COMMANDMENTS. When you go upstairs for judgement, all the people that pushed your brain this way and that will be gone. They are probably gone even now. It's between you and Ha-Shem Who gives you all your bread and everything else. Where will you, your spouse, and your children function best as Jews, which means observing the COMMANDMENTS. Where is that place?

If it's New York, fine. If it's Israel, fine. But for many people, those are not the right places. If you are not rich, they probably are not the right places. If you don't have family there, they are probably not the right places. If you or your children are not hard-edged and aggressive, they probably are not the right places, If you have a nervous disorder, they are definitely not the right places. If you don't speak Hebrew, Israel is not the right place. If you are Haredi, Israel is not the right place. In general, if you are not from those places, then they are not the right places. People function best in the culture that they were raised in.

What kind of parnassah should I engage in? If it's one that makes you  miserable then you will not be a position to perform the COMMANDMENTS. If you operate according to the yeshivish attitude where nothing matters in life other than Torah study, then you'll only try to become rich so that you can retire and study Torah or support yeshivas now. But that might be harmful to your observance of MITZVOS.

If you pursue a religious derech such as yeshivism just because that's what everyone around you does or because that happens to be the derech of the yeshiva that you were coaxed into attending but it doesn't suit your nature, then it will prove an obstruction to performance of MITZVOS. If the idea of hating all goyim or secular studies bothers you substantially, then you can't be yeshivish. If you have a feeling for Chassidic warmth or kiddushah or tzadickim or thought about Ha-Shem, then you can't be yeshivish no matter the busy bodies around you push on you. What is best for your performance of MITZVOS? What is best for your spouse and children?

If you are a woman your primary question is what is best for your husband and children? Ha-Shem told Chava told to be a helpmate and mother. That is her job in life. Doesn't matter if you always wanted to live in Israel just because your reform Hebrew school considered that and the Holocaust the only worthy topics. 

A parent's job is to apply Torah ideals to practical life and do what's best for the children. Living in a dream land doesn't qualify. You must live in the real world, where the wheat and barely are grown, and make good decisions. If you "follow a rav" who lives in fantasy land then you have chosen to live in fantasy land and will suffer as a result.

Most rabbis live in fantasy land. The baal teshuvah comes into the religion, is told that he is ignorant and stupid and that he must follow a rav. But most rabbis live in fantasy land, either yeshivish or modern orthodox Disneyland where Torah observance is displaced by pilpul or modern Israel respectively or some combination of the two. As a result, most BTs never become truly observant. They never encounter Ha-Shem at Har Sinai. That's because most so-called FFBs are not Torah observant. 

But the BTs operate under the illusion that they have become observant because their lives are so much different than they used to be. I say, if you became a Muslim your life also would be different. It's not enough that it's different. It is Torah?

What is Shavuous? It's the time that we receive the Torah, which means primarily to receive the mandate of Torah observance. Most people are not meaningfully Torah observant. They are pilpul observant or Medinas Israel observant. They might as well be Christians, because that's what Xianity is, replacing MITZVAH observance with an idea, a mental thing.

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch planned two write two books about Torah observance, one about ideology which he'd call Moriah, and one about practice, which he'd call Horeb. He wrote the second and not the first. Historians of Hirsch tell us that he refrained from writing Moriah because he feared people reading only that one and seeing Judaism as an ideology and not a practice. 

Judaism is primarily a practice, and we must make life decisions with that practice as our primary goal. Take that as the lesson of Shavuous.

If you never truly received the Torah before, if you received pilpulism or zionism and remained pretty much what you always were, say a feminist, a materialist, a loud mouth, or a lover of the state of Israel, a place you really knew nothing about, then it's time to accept the Torah for the first time and become Torah observant. 

price history

Price history

Date	Event	Price
5/29/2025	Listed for sale	$339,900+78.9%$151/sqft
Source: MLS Now #5125932
6/24/2023	Listing removed	--
Source: MLS Now #4240313
1/15/2021	Sold	$190,000$84/sqft
Source: MLS Now #4240313
12/6/2020	Pending sale	$190,000$84/sqft
Source: MLS Now #4240313
12/3/2020	Listed for sale	$190,000$84/sqft
Source: Howard Hanna - Macedonia #4240313
11/30/2020	Pending sale	$190,000$84/sqft
Source: Howard Hanna - Macedonia #4240313
11/16/2020	Listed for sale	$190,000+26.7%$84/sqft
Source: Howard Hanna #4240313
8/28/2012	Sold	$150,000$67/sqft
Source: MLS Now #3332583
7/10/2012	Listed for sale	$150,000-6.3%$67/sqft
Source: Howard Hanna - Shaker Heights #3332583
2/27/2003	Sold	$160,000+18.5%$71/sqft
Source: MLS Now #2062559
6/1/1998	Sold	$135,000$60/sqft

When I visited Cleveland and my "rav" told me to only live in a "place that's growing" this house was sold for $150,000. At that point, frum Cleveland grew immensely and that house now goes for $340,000.

Gotta have a rav. Who's your rav? Do you have a rav? All the yeshivish women ask this on dates. What this amounts to is that you can't get laid without having a rav. In other words, don't be a man. She doesn't want a man. She wants someone who is controlled through a rav. The wives too complain, we don't have a family rav. We need a rav.

You have to mevatel daas to your rav. In the yeshiva world they tell you to be terrified of the world and your own judgement. You must hand over all your decisions to a rav. Who will be this rav? Will he be Rav Moshe Feinstein? Gadolim do not have time available to be the personal rav of every Jew in klal Yisroel. If you are very wealthy, you might have more access to the leading rabbis. But if you are a regular guy, you will have access - and even then only limited - to the rav at your shul, or maybe one from your yeshiva (and BT yeshivas have the guys who couldn't make it in the real yeshivas), or some guy down the block. Who is he? Is he any wiser than you? He hears your question, which you must phrase in 20 seconds or less, and shoots out an answer without thinking. He doesn't know you, doesn't know the world any better than you and possibly less.

This rav of mine had been one of the outstanding yeshiva bochurim in Monsey and was from a family of "chashuv rabbanim." He was as chashuv as any personal rav I was going to get.  He knew that I had no financial support, was all on my own, and had a limited parnassah. 

I needed to live in a place I could afford. But he, like all rabbis, only knew his limited life, was ignorant about anything else, never left his house, but thought he was the expert on everything in the world. Like all rabbis he advised you to be just like him. He lived in a house that today is valued at $1.2 million. Where he got the money I don't know, but I didn't couldn't afford the NY area. Now I can't afford Cleveland either. 

You don't need 16 children

 The FFB needs to have hoards of children because he's empty and they are empty. To fill up on junk food you need refills. With healthy food, small portions will do. What the BT accomplishes just by giving up his life and staying with this nut job frum society is equal to 100 kids. Of course, it's better if the BT has more, but he doesn't have to mimic the FFB. It's more important that the BT marry someone he or she likes because without that your whole frum life is in jeopardy. With BT marriages, you are much more dependent on your spouse since you don't have family to carry the load, and because you have to make many more intelligent decisions to survive. I'm not saying wait for perfection. I'm saying be comfy with who you marry. At the same time know that you have just gone from 50 million options to about 5, so don't be too picky, but marry someone you like even if he/she is older or health conditions limit fertility or the ability to have many kids.

rabbis again

 

How being in a CULT is JUST LIKE being in a NARCISSISTIC relationship (subtítulos en español)

 

Jews without mitzvos

Jeff Epstein

Bernard Madoff

Harvey Weinstein

Elliot Spitzer

Anthony Weiner

What is insanity?

Einstein said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By that definition, the frum world is insane, because that's what they do about everything. Change your attitude they'll say. That's the only change that's demanded. In other words, the fault lies within you, never the system, never the rabbis, never the teachers, never the approach that the egomaniacs who call themselves middle management rabbis pursue.

So let's say a kid is struggling with 10 hours of pilpul a day. What do we do about it? We tell him that he isn't trying hard enough. Change nothing else. Blame his attitude. Blame the child. 

But maybe his rebbes are showoffs and overwhelm the students. Maybe 10 hours a day is too much. Maybe he should study something else. Maybe he should go out develop a pleasant parnassah. Maybe he needs a wife.

No, stay in yeshiva and keep pressing, pressing. It's always force with these people. Break your teeth on it. Mesiras nefesh. "Be misgaver" i.e. subdue your evil inclination. They are brutes. They are tyrants. 

Same with shiduchim. The shiduch system is insane. It's all fear, judgement, rigidity, and habit. But we aren't allowed to change anything. You'll hear speech after speech where essentially rabbis blame baal habatim. That's every speech in the OJ world.

I'll suggest a few changes: more natural encounters, more looking at people as human beings, the women contributing to the logistics of the date, and dropping the reference checking and resumes because it's all baloney. You can talk to someone who knows the person in order to see if it's a match, but that's not what people do with references. What they do is look for conformity or reasons to posul. I once tried to arrange a shiduch and where the young woman asked some yenta tried to research the young man. The yenta declared "Nobody in New York knows him." So she gave a thumbs down. Fortunately, the young woman had some sense. She married him, and they have been married now for 14 years and have children. 

Want more examples. If you live in NY and don't like it, then leave. Same with Israel. These places are not for everybody. But to leave you need to think for yourself. If you follow the crowd and it isn't working out then you are going to fail in life.

BTs are told to follow the crowd. Every year I visit BT yeshivas in Israel. It amazes me how subdued and obedient the bochurim are. If I talk to them, I see all kinds of Jewish chutzpah. But around the rabbis they are puppy dogs. They have no idea that these rabbis glom onto the aura of great rabbis they may have met once or twice and pretend they are heirs to the throne. And the BTs just fall for it.  

You know my philosophy by now. It's the philosophy of Solomon the wise. Fear Hashem and keep the commandments. You don't have to imitate the frum world. Focus on Hashem and the commandments, not the community and not even the rabbis, because most of them have no idea how to work with BTs. 

choose from what?

 But you choose your rav they'll say. I say, choose from what? They are all the same, operate from the same dogma cheat sheet. 

K’neged Kulam

 

K’neged Kulam 

 

One often hears the phrase k’neged kulam which means literally adjacent to all (as in ezier k’negdo “a helpmate next to him”) and is interpreted often to mean equal to all or even by some greater than all (which is a stretch from the plain meaning) applied to Talmud Torah vis a vis other mitzvos. This is commonly said to be based on a Mishnah in tractate Peah which says that Talmud Torah is k’neged three mitzvos: honoring parents, bringing peace between a man and his neighbor, and acts of kindness. However, Chazal apply this phrase to numerous mitzvos including milah, Shabbos, tzitzis, yishuv ha’aretz, and tzedakah.  

 

Milah Babylonian Talmud, Nedarim 32a 

 

גְּדוֹלָה  מִילָה, שֶׁשְּׁקוּלָה כְּנֶגֶד כׇּל הַמִּצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: כִּי עַל פִּי הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה וְגוֹ 

  

Great is the mitzva of circumcision that it is equal to all the mitzvot of the Torah, as it is stated at the giving of the Torah: “For according to these words I have made a covenant with you and with Israel” (Exodus 34:27), and “covenant” refers to circumcision.  

 

Jerusalem Talmud, Nedarim 3:9 

 

  

 גְּדוֹלָה הַמִּילָה שֶׁהִיא שְׁקוּלָה כְּנֶגֶד כָּל־הַמִּצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר הִנֵּה דַּם הַבְּרִית אֲשֶׁר כָּרַת יי֨ עִמָּכֶם עַל כָּל־הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה 

  

Circumcision is great, as it corresponds to all other commandments of the Torah, as it is said: “Behold the blood of the covenant which the Eternal concluded with you about all these words.”  

  

Shabbos  Jerusalem Talmud, Nedarim 3:9 

  

בַּתּוֹרָה וּבַנְּבִיאִים וּבַכְּתוּבִּים מָצִינוּ שֶׁהַשַּׁבָּת שְׁקוּלָה כְּנֶגֶד כָּל־הַמִּצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה. בַּתּוֹרָה. דִּכְתִיב עַד אָנָה מֵאַנְתֶּם לִשְׁמוֹר מִצְווֹתַי וְתוֹרוֹתָיי. וּכְתִיב רְאוּ כִּי יי֨ נָתַן לָכֶם אֶת הַשַּׁבָּת. בַּנְּבִיאִים. דִּכְתִיב וַיַּמְרוּ בִי הַבָּנִים בְּחוּקּוֹתַי לֹא הָלָכוּ וגו׳. וּכְתִיב וְאֶת שַׁבְּתוֹתַי חִילְּלוּ מְאוֹד. בַּכְּתוּבִּים. דִּכְתִיב וְעַל הַר סִינַי יָרַדְתָּ וּכְתִיב וְאֶת שַׁבָּת קָדְשְׁךָ הוֹדַעְתָּ לָהֶם וגו׳. 

  

In Torah, Prophets, and Hagiographs we find that the Sabbath is as weighty as all other commandments of the Torah [taken together]. In the Torah, “until when will you refuse to keep My Commandments and Teachings,” and it is written: “See that the Eternal gave you the Sabbath.” In Prophets, as is written: “But the sons rebelled against Me; My Laws they did not follow” etc., and it is written: “My Sabbaths they much desecrated.” In Hagiographs, as it is written: “On Mount Sinai You descended,” and it is written: “And about Your holy Sabbath You informed them,” etc. 

  

Jerusalem Talmud, Berakhot 1:5:3: 
 

רִבִּי אוֹמֵר זוּ מִצְוַת שַׁבָּת שֶׁהִיא שְׁקוּלָה כְּנֶגֶד כָּל־מִצְווֹתֶיהָ שֶׁל תּוֹרָה דִּכְתִיב וְאֶת שַׁבַּת קָדְשְׁךָ הוֹדַעְתָּ לָהֶם וּמִצְווֹת וְחוּקִּים וְתוֹרָה צִוִּיתָ וגו׳ לְהוֹדִיעֲךָ...שֶׁהִיא שְׁקוּלָה כְּנֶגֶד מִצְווֹתֶיהָ שֶׁל תּוֹרָה....וְאָסַפְתָּ דְגָנְךָ וְלֹא דְגָנוֹ שֶׁל חֲבֵרְךָ. לֹא תַעֲנֶה בְרֵעֲךָ עֵד שָׁקֶר. אֲנִי יי אֱלֹהֵיכֶם. וּכְתִיב וַיי אֱלֹהִים אֱמֶת. 

   
Rebbi said: that is the commandment of Sabbath which is as important as all other commandments of the Torah together, as it is written (Neh. 9:14): “You informed them about Your Sabbath, commandments, laws, and Torah you commanded them, …” to show that it is as important as the other commandments of the Torah. 
    

Tzitzis  Nedarim 25a 
 

וְלַשְׁבַּע יָתְהוֹן דִּמְקַיְּימִיתוּן כֹּל מִצְוֹת! מַשְׁמַע מִצְוַת צִיצִית, דְּאָמַר מָר: שְׁקוּלָה מִצְוַת צִיצִית כְּנֶגֶד כׇּל מִצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה. 
 
 

The Gemara asks: And let him administer an oath to them with the words: That you will fulfill all the mitzvot. The Gemara answers: This too does not suffice, because this phrase could indicate specifically the mitzva of ritual fringes, as the Master said: The mitzva of ritual fringes is equivalent to all the mitzvot in the Torah. Consequently, if they would accept upon themselves: All the mitzvot, they may have intended to refer only to the mitzva of ritual fringes.  

 
 

Yishuv Ha’aretz  Tosefta, Avodah Zara, Chapter 5:2 

  

ישרה אדם בארץ ישראל אפילו בעיר שרובה עובדי כוכבים ולא בחו"ל אפי' בעיר שכולה ישראל מלמד שישיבת ארץ ישראל שקולה כנגד כל מצות שבתורה. 
   

It is proper for a person to live in Eretz Yisrael even in a city where most [of the inhabitants] are idolators and not outside Eretz Yisrael even in a city where everyone is Jewish. This teaches that living in Eretz Yisrael is equal to all the mitzvot in the Torah. 

  

Tzedukah   Babylonian Talmud, Baba Basra 9a 

  

וְאָמַר רַב אַסִּי: שְׁקוּלָה צְדָקָה כְּנֶגֶד כׇּל הַמִּצְוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וְהֶעֱמַדְנוּ עָלֵינוּ מִצְוֹת וְגוֹ׳״ – ״מִצְוָה״ אֵין כְּתִיב כָּאן, אֶלָּא ״מִצְוֹת״. 

  

  

And Rav Asi says: Charity is equivalent to all the other mitzvot combined, as it is stated in that verse: “We also established mitzvot upon ourselves.” A mitzva is not written here, but rather mitzvot, in the plural, thereby teaching that this mitzva is equivalent to all the other mitzvot.  

  

Jerusalem Talmud, Peah 1:1 

  

צְדָקָה וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים שׁוֹקֶלֶת כְּנֶגֶד כָּל־מִצְוֹתֶיהָ שֶׁל תּוֹרָה. שֶׁהַצְּדָקָה נוֹהֶגֶת בַּחַיִּים וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים נוֹהֶגֶת בַּחַיִּים וּבַמֵּתִים. 

  

Charity and works of kindness are as important as all commandments of the Torah. Charity applies to the living, works of kindness apply to the living and the dead. 

  

Talmud Torah  Mishnah Peah 1:1 

  

אֵלּוּ דְבָרִים שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם שִׁעוּר. הַפֵּאָה, וְהַבִּכּוּרִים, וְהָרֵאָיוֹן, וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים, וְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה. אֵלּוּ דְבָרִים שֶׁאָדָם אוֹכֵל פֵּרוֹתֵיהֶן בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה וְהַקֶּרֶן קַיֶּמֶת לוֹ לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. כִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, וּגְמִילוּת חֲסָדִים, וַהֲבָאַת שָׁלוֹם בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ, וְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה כְּנֶגֶד כֻּלָּם  

  

These are the things that have no definite quantity: The corners [of the field]. First-fruits; [The offerings brought] on appearing [at the Temple on the three pilgrimage festivals]. The performance of righteous deeds; And the study of the torah. The following are the things for which a man enjoys the fruits in this world while the principal remains for him in the world to come: Honoring one’s father and mother; The performance of righteous deeds; And the making of peace between a person and his friend; And the study of the torah is equal to them all. 

 

Lashon Hara  Jerusalem Talmud, Peah 4a, Tosefta, Pe’ah 1:2 

 

ארבעה דברים שהן נפרעין מן האדם בעולם הזה והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא ואלו הן ע"ז גילוי עריות ש"ד ולשון הרע כנגד כולן  

 

There are four things for which a person is punished in this world, while the principal remains for him in the World to Come: Idolatry, forbidden relationships and murder. And lashon hara (evil speech) is k'neged them all. 

 

 

It would seem illogical to take each one of these literally as each is included in the other equations. I won’t attempt to explain them all here. However, I will offer Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik’s explanation of Talmud Torah k’neged kulam. He was asked by a student, “What is the meaning of the phrase Talmud Torah k’neged kulam?” He answered, “It is not that this mitzvah is equal to all the mitzvos, but rather that it brings the person to do all the other mitzvos. The whole purpose of the limud is that it comes to asiah and asiah is the ikur.”²²¹ Perhaps, the other highlighted mitzvahs work similarity, that the mitzvah that is equal to the others is connected to the them, leads to them, or possesses a meaning or symbolism that is fundamental to the others.  

 

Note that by the mitzvahs other than Talmud Torah the words שְׁקוּלָה, which means equal to, and כׇּל מִצְוֹת שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה,, which means all the mitzvos of the Torah, are used. By Talmud Torah, we see only the words k’neged, which literally means adjacent to, and the vague term kulam, which means all and by the plain meaning points to the three mitzvos mentioned in the passage.