What is insanity?

Einstein said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. By that definition, the frum world is insane, because that's what they do about everything. Change your attitude they'll say. That's the only change that's demanded. In other words, the fault lies within you, never the system, never the rabbis, never the teachers, never the approach that the egomaniacs who call themselves middle management rabbis pursue.

So let's say a kid is struggling with 10 hours of pilpul a day. What do we do about it? We tell him that he isn't trying hard enough. Change nothing else. Blame his attitude. Blame the child. 

But maybe his rebbes are showoffs and overwhelm the students. Maybe 10 hours a day is too much. Maybe he should study something else. Maybe he should go out develop a pleasant parnassah. Maybe he needs a wife.

No, stay in yeshiva and keep pressing, pressing. It's always force with these people. Break your teeth on it. Mesiras nefesh. "Be misgaver" i.e. subdue your evil inclination. They are brutes. They are tyrants. 

Same with shiduchim. The shiduch system is insane. It's all fear, judgement, rigidity, and habit. But we aren't allowed to change anything. You'll hear speech after speech where essentially rabbis blame baal habatim. That's every speech in the OJ world.

I'll suggest a few changes: more natural encounters, more looking at people as human beings, the women contributing to the logistics of the date, and dropping the reference checking and resumes because it's all baloney. You can talk to someone who knows the person in order to see if it's a match, but that's not what people do with references. What they do is look for conformity or reasons to posul. I once tried to arrange a shiduch and where the young woman asked some yenta tried to research the young man. The yenta declared "Nobody in New York knows him." So she gave a thumbs down. Fortunately, the young woman had some sense. She married him, and they have been married now for 14 years and have children. 

Want more examples. If you live in NY and don't like it, then leave. Same with Israel. These places are not for everybody. But to leave you need to think for yourself. If you follow the crowd and it isn't working out then you are going to fail in life.

BTs are told to follow the crowd. Every year I visit BT yeshivas in Israel. It amazes me how subdued and obedient the bochurim are. If I talk to them, I see all kinds of Jewish chutzpah. But around the rabbis they are puppy dogs. They have no idea that these rabbis glom onto the aura of great rabbis they may have met once or twice and pretend they are heirs to the throne. And the BTs just fall for it.  

You know my philosophy by now. It's the philosophy of Solomon the wise. Fear Hashem and keep the commandments. You don't have to imitate the frum world. Focus on Hashem and the commandments, not the community and not even the rabbis, because most of them have no idea how to work with BTs.