A hardcore yeshiva guy was at my Shabbos table recently and on numerous occasions he blasted the "Modern Orthodox," declaring that "They give nothing to their children. Why should they stay religious?"
It's funny to me that the yeshiva crowd doesn't see that is also is modern Orthodox. They see themselves as the upholders of the tradition that haven't changed "one iota," a common refrain. So what's with the short coats and clean shaven faces? Is that how Jews looked in pre-modern times, say the 17th century? Do their women with their parading down the middle of the street and calling to their friends act like the women of old? What about those sheitels and high heels?
What about all men dressing the same in black suits? That's not what you see in the photos in the biography of the Brisker Rav. I see there brown suits, tan suits, brown hats, caps. Everybody is not the same.
What's this starting to date at 22? The Netziv married Reina-Batya shortly after his bar mitzvah. The Chofetz Chaim married at 17. And then there's the teachings of Chazal:
"at eighteen for marriage." (Mishna Avot 5:21)
Our Sages said: “Until the age of twenty, the Holy One, blessed be He, sits and waits. When will he take a wife? As soon as one attains twenty and has not married, He exclaims, ‘Blasted be his bones!’” (Kiddushin 29b) – an expression of condemnation for failing to perform the mitzvah of pru u’revuru (“be fruitful and multiply”).
“The mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying is incumbent on the husband and not on his wife… If he reaches twenty and has not married, he is considered to have transgressed and negated the observance of this positive commandment” (Rambam, Hilchot Ishut 15:2).
Rav Chisda married at 16 and lamented not marrying at 14 (Kiddushin 29b) And that was all in an era when women dressed modestly and there was no such thing as photographs or film. There's a lot of sin that takes place between 18 and 23.
How about marrying without a parnassah? "The Torah has thus taught a rule of conduct: that a man should build a house, plant a vineyard and then marry a wife." (Sotah 44a)
What about "teach your son a trade?" (Kiddushin 29a)
How about starting to learn Gemara at 11? "At fifteen (for the study of) the Talmud." (Mishna Avot 5:21)
How about studying only Brisker Lomdus which was invented in the late 19th century?
How about studying only yeshivish mesechtas? "Therefore, I have called this text, Mishneh Torah 'the second to the Torah,' with the intent that a person should first study the Written Law, and then study this text and comprehend the entire Oral Law from it, without having to study any other text between the two." (Rambam, intro to Mishneh Torah) IOW, study the entire Oral Torah.
How about studying only Gemara? "One must divide his learning in three, and learn a third Mikra, a third Oral Torah, and a third Gemara." (Rambam, Hilchos Talmud Torah 1:11).
How about $80,000 weddings? "Be careful with your finances, so that you do not pay even one unnecessary penny." (Cheshbon HaNefesh)
And then there's Zionism which is entirely modern and a violation of the Three Oaths.
And what about "be a light unto the nations," recognize every man as being created in G-d's image, be compassionate, be humble, don't judge a man until you stand in his place?
What about "the one who hates gifts shall live?" You hear that women who are in shiduchim who take, and take, and take. How about not "being matriach" other people?
What about "do not put a stumbling bloch before the blind?" You hear that rabbis with your bad advice?
And more serious than all of this is the atheism. When do yeshiva people talk about God? What are they giving to their children? Hats and svara?
So who is more modern, the Modern Orthodox or the modern Orthodox? Answer: everybody is modern, and we all can do better. Start with yourself.
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