10 truths about dating

 Advice in Quora post:

Here are 10 truths about dating that most men aren’t ready to hear:

1. A girl won’t desire you unless she can feel your emotional restraint.

Be calm.

Be warm.

But let her know you’re not easy to win because you have high standards.

2. Men who keep getting ghosted are often too predictable, too agreeable, and too available.

She wants you to be available, but she needs you to be productive.

3. What women say they want and what they actually respond to are never the same.

Remember this the next time you hear dating advice from a woman on how to be a Man.

4. If you’re not grounded in yourself, you’ll chase her validation.

And every time you do, she’ll feel less attraction and less urgency to be with you.

5. Attraction not builds in gift build in compliment.

It’s built with energy, direction, and standards.

She gets attracted when you're a leader, not just a giver.

6. Men who get the most women are not actually the richest or the best-looking.

They’re the ones who flirt without hesitation and walk away without regret.

Character is more important than looks and money.

7. If your presence doesn’t make her feel something, your words never will.

8. Helping a woman who hasn't earned you puts you in the useful Nice Guy category.

And trust me, she has too many of those already.

9. She doesn’t remember what you said.

She remembers how you made her feel and how rare that feeling was.

Here's the problem. Frum dating and the OJ world and the halacha turns men into the opposite of all this. It makes not be themselves, be desperate, and look pathetic as they are told to chase the woman.

What to do about it? Don't try to be a nice yeshiva boy unless you are fully comfortable in that lifestyle. Refuse to do all the work in the date. Don't allow yourself to be put in the position where you have to prove yourself to her. Or if she asks you if you have a rav and learn with a chavrusa every night, ask her if she has a rav and learns Torah every day. Ask her what chesed she does. Don't put your life on hold for the sake of shiduchim. Live where you want to live, do the work you want to do, be the kind of Jew you want to be. Don't obsess about not having many children and a big family. That's as out of the picture for most BTs as becoming a talmid chocham. Will this solve the problem? I doubt it but you'll retain your dignity and have a better shot at getting married and having a decent marriage.