Monday, January 13, 2025

relationships

 And one day you’ll be married and another opportunity comes. A wife is an opportunity and a husband is too. Marriage is given in order for a person to gain shleimus. That’s what eizer kenegdo means. He has the help of someone who is against him and she has the help of someone who is against her. Because a wife and a husband are two different kinds of people, two different natures.

Vayeitzei 5785 – The Wicked Make Us Great

Marriage is like life, and when you enter life, you are going to take it with all its details, with its ups and downs. There is some smooth driving, and sometimes there are crowded highways. And sometimes the road is bumpy and uncomfortable. It’s a roller coaster. There will be periods of unhappiness, and times you climb to heights of joy.

There is no such thing as a smooth marriage. The definition of marriage is friction; two personalities, each one with rough edges. And there’s no question that there is going to be tests and ordeals ahead. It’s very important to keep this in mind because it’s a very important principle that many people overlook – be realistic. Don’t expect too much. Once a person gets married he must know that he has to accept everything for better or for worse. Whatever you have, that’s yours for life, and make the best of it.

VAYEITZEI 5779 – MARRIAGE NEEDS PREPARATION





Tuesday, January 7, 2025

How we got here

I know several people who look to Chassidus for a Judaism that is interested in Ha-Shem, mitzvos, community, feeling, and individuality. Mostly they go to Breslov and Chabad for that. And that's fine. However, it isn't necessary to go to Chassidus for that. Non-Chassidic or old Ashkenazi Judaism also shared those values. But you wouldn't know that from what we see today in the Neo-Litvish Yeshivism that dominates everything. 

How did we get here? Following the dispersal from Eretz Yisrael, Ashkenazi Judaism developed in Germany and France. It was a pure Judaism that concerned itself with study, mitzvos, mussar, and even mysticism. Yiras Shemayim was central to everything. Around the time of the Vilna Gaon that morphed into Litvish Judaism, which is a name for the Eastern European version of Ashkenazi Judaism. It is hard to  know exactly what took place then but from the writings depicting the view of the Vilna Gaon mitzvos and musar were still central and study was eclectic. Mysticism probably retreated from the masses, possibly because of Shabtai Tzvi, and became reserved for kabbalists. It was still a beautiful Judaism, although goyish influences and the weight of exile were affecting the culture, which became elitist and perhaps disproportionately concerned with gehennim and a darker outlook on life. But they were living an agrarian life, didn't have newspaper reports and videos of every atrocity in the the world, so they knew how to take it. Chassidism came to address the elitism and the negative effect the outlook had on some people. 

Judaism in the 18th and 19th centuries was still centered in the home and community. You learned from your parents and a maybe a teacher or two. The community rav was the community leader. Roshei Yeshiva stayed in yeshivas and concerned themselves only with that.

Brisker lomdus emerged in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, but it was meant as an option not as the approach for all. And many opposed it. There were various types of Talmudic study and the Oruch HaShulchan dominated halacha.

Somewhere in the early 20th century, amid upheavals, WWI, opening of society to Jews, pogroms, assimilation, and increased standard of living, more men went to yeshivas, but still a minority I think. I'm not sure. Brisker lomdus took over even though it isn't the appropriate mode of study for everyone. Many of the yeshivas tried to keep the bochurim in the building in part because of mass assimilation and a decreasing number of scholars. 

Then came WWII which smashed everything to pieces. After the war, as yeshivas regrew in America and Israel, a mad dash started to rebuild Jewry and much of this came from yeshivas. Everything at this point was hysterical, and the center of Judaism moved from the home and community to the yeshiva. Yeshivish Judaism became mainstream, with the ideologies that were meant for the small number of yeshiva guys being applied to everyone. Increased affluence helped this along since a fantasy developed that people didn't need a way to earn a parnassah. This was fueled in part by guys from wealthy homes that couldn't see passed their own nose, as well as everyone forgetting the rule of fat years/lean years. The affluence stopped around 1976 but the rhetoric about ignoring the need to earn a parnassah continued. 

Come Zionism, come the 60s movement, and the ideology became unhinged - yeshivism was born, the idea that the only valid place in the world was the yeshiva. Along with that came the idea that only Talmudic disputation of abstractions was legitimate study. It's a long way from old time Litvish Judaism to neo-Litvish, but since they call it Litvish one gets confused.

Things got really ugly when Litvish Judaism was moved to New York City and Israel. Old-time Litvish Jews could be classy people. Just picture the alter of Slobodka with his walking stick and R Eliezer Silver with his top hat. The people of NYC and Israel, not so much, to say the least.

If you are new to Judaism you meet these loudmouth guys with their simplistic and ferocious Judaism and think, oh so this is Judaism. I must adapt to it. But it isn't Judaism. It's a modern offshoot. 

Chassidus is wonderful and you can pursue that if you like, to whatever degree you like. But you can also be a Litvish Jew who pursues connection with the Divine, works on his middos, appreciates every mitzvah, and studies all kinds of Torah. But you'll have to look back a bit to authentic Litvish Judaism to imagine what it looks like. Today, the Israeli newspapers call this or that Rosh Yeshiva a leader of Lithuanian Judaism, but really most of them are Yeshivists. You can join them too if you like, or you can be an old-time Litvish Jew, whose goals are not the same as the neo-Litvish Jews of today. 

Tuesday, December 17, 2024

Convince mode

 I was online at the Aish site trying to read some material by N. Weinberg when this chat popup appeared, trying to engage me by asking my opinion about world Jewry. As the answers were all about the state of Israel, I wrote that there are other topics in life. This lead to a 'rabbi' getting on the chat. So I asked him about women being exempt from some mitzvos and he told me that classic apologetic nonsense answer that they don't need the mitzvos because they are holier. Blah, blah.

So I told him that I found that offensive and illogical. And what amazed me is that he spent a half hour trying to convince me of it. He used bogus logic and no scholarship of course. So here we have a kiruv site and his goal is to do kiruv and all he can do is argue with me, trying to convince me. Shouldn't we have talked about Torah observance, proof of G-d, etc? Shouldn't he have bonded with me?

Well maybe he should have, but these kind of guys only know arguing. They are going to argue you into Torah observance. They know the truth of course and if you can pull back your ego you'll see that they are right. As you may have guessed, he tried that insult on me at one point. He got nasty real fast. 

Now on this topic, he's no match for me. And I started sending him all kinds of material from the Maharal and others who say men are more holy. His answer, those are out of context. His intellectual dishonesty was breathtaking.

It was such a weird experience. Is this how you do kiruv, by arguing, by having ignorant people pose as rabbis? 

Friday, December 13, 2024

teshuva is possible


 https://www.youtube.com/shorts/z2URkgKSr8M?feature=share

Sunday, December 8, 2024

Sunday, December 1, 2024

Work on your middos but not here

The Vilna Gaon said, “All G-d’s service is dependent upon the improvement of one’s character. Character traits are fundamental to the performance of mitzvos and to Torah principles. Conversely, all sin stems from unimproved character traits.”

Even Sheleimah, The Vilna Gaon Views Life, p. 17 (1:1–2).

Rabbi Avigdor Miller says that everyone must study musar, no matter what group they are from. We all have to learn how to conduct ourselves, how not to hurt the feelings of other people. For this, you must study musar.

Listen to this recording. 

Rav Miller on the need to study musar

How can you move your family to a place like this? Do you care about their avodas Hashem? Aliyah pushers guilt you. They make you feel as if you are not idealistic because you live in chutz, that you only stay there because you are addicted to luxury, as if every Orthodox Jew lives in chutz in luxury. I say, if you are idealistic, stay where you are because SSOI will hurt your avodas Hashem.