Priorities

In my opinion, the following are the most important matters to focus upon when first becoming frum.

1. Obtain basic knowledge of and comfort with the commandments that are relevant to you.

2. Obtain basic knowledge of and comfort with the fundamental principles of Judaism.

3. Find a path/school of thought that works best for you. This will likely be some variation of an established path, but it can be a mixture of paths, or even an approach that is very much your own.

4. Get married to somebody you are comfortable with. Look before you leap but don't wait forever. 

5. Learn Hebrew. This includes grammar, translation, and even speaking as that will help your reading comprehension and overall comfort with the language.

6. Get practical. This includes having a way of making a living that is matched to your nature, knowing all about financial realities in the frum world, and finding a place to live that works for you and brings you into contact with people that appeal to you.

7. Get familiar with Torah study and Torah literature according to your inclinations and abilities.

You'll notice that I put Torah study seventh on the last. Most yeshivos and seminaries give you the impression that it's first or even the only item on the list. But I ask, is that the way the typical child is raised? Is he raised on Gemara? Or does he first learn to make bracha, to not play with electronic toys on Shabbos, to eat matzah? BTs are in many ways like children. One has to follow a progression that builds the most important thing in the world - faith in Hashem.

You may notice also that I didn't list finding a rav at all. A rav may be a help in all of this, but a rav is not a fundamental goal. It is usually an important aid. [And the wrong rav or just a foolish person disguised as a rav can be poison.] You don't necessarily have to look for one rav that solves all problems. You can look to different rabbis as well as rebbetzins, teachers, the lady down the block, authors. For halacha and hashkafa (outlook) it often helps to primarily go according to one school of thought. Otherwise you can get confused. Oftentimes, you need rabbis for that, but that's part of finding a path more than having a rav. Not everyone can find one rav for all purposes. 

So let's talk about each item:

1) Commandments. Not chumrahs but basic observance. Learn the basic rules of Shabbos, Kashrus, Tefillah, etc. Not a million opinions. The goal is observance here, not study. You just need to satisfy one legitimate approach. And you need to enjoy yourself, to feel a warmth and comfort with the mitzvos. One usually cannot rely on doing them because they are commanded alone. It often helps to not overdo it. Do the basic mitzvah. With tefillah for example, it can be a mistake to just start off doing all of schacharis or certainly every psalm in pizueki d'zimrah. It can help to study reasons for particular mitzvos and the basic philosophy of mitzvos, ie what they do for us in general. R' Samson R. Hirsch provides great material on both.

2) Principles. I'm talking about faith in Hashem most of all, but also reward and punishment, the challenges of life, the mesorah, rabbinical authority. All of these need to be studied. And the result again should be a comfort and a warmth. You are generally happy about the principles, not in a war with them. If you are experiencing the latter, you likely need a new teacher.

3) There is more than one path and many of the ones you hear about have more nuances than you may know. You don't  have to be a clone of the path. It's the 10 lane highway within which you choose your own lane.

4) Judaism is built on marriage. It's nearly impossible to function with out it. Don't push this off for the sake of yeshiva, graduate school, career, or finding the perfect person. There is no perfect person, just suitable matches. There is much to unlearn in the way of romance and other nonsense from the secular world before you will be successful. Expect to spend the rest of your life getting the nonsense out of your head, particularly that of feminism.

5) Many yeshivos don't teach Hebrew. Shame on them!!! Rav Hirsch lists Hebrew first on his educational plan. This whole religion takes place in Hebrew and you need to be comfortable with it. Learn lots of Hebrew.

6) Judaism takes place here on earth so you need to be practical. This includes learning all about the frum world and how it differs from the outside world. Financial demands are much higher. You need to learn about that. Get familiar with the various communities around the world. You don't have to live in any one of them. You don't have to live in Israel! You probably shouldn't live in Israel for all sorts of reasons, unless you were born and raised there. And you don't have to live in New York.

7) Torah study. The Talmud says learn what the heart desires. Seek our material that speaks to you and study that. Try to learn about the basics of the literature, the difference between written and oral Torah, the difference between halacha and minhag, the names of some of the standard books.

An important guideline. We have a job to do in this life, an enjoyable and meaningful job, but one that takes work and sacrifice. But also God is not a tyrant to His creatures. You are not supposed to destroy yourself, your personality, your values. We work from where we are, one day at time, with God's help, as proper Jews. You need your own mind because there are a lot of people out there that can be very pushy with their opinions and they can confuse or mislead you. So don't be a weakling, but also learn to take instruction from qualified people.