Real Chizuk

I just listened to an interview that was supposed to address the question of how a person who feels hopelessly mired in sin can do teshuvah. And the answer given was a tirade against contemporary permissiveness and featured the line "your life isn't your own, it belongs to God" (paraphrased a bit).

I wasn't surprised. Whereas I can find all kinds of Xtian ministers giving pep talks to the despairing, the frum world seems incapable of it. I recall a talk at Ohel given some years ago where several rabbis were supposed to give support to a boy who was abused by his brother and responded that the boy needed to do teshuva.

There is a darkness sitting upon the frum world. It's din gone haywire. We have become incapable of giving chizuk.

I went to a talk a few years ago that was entitled something like tips for learning Torah with your son. And the talk was all about how a rav becomes the kid's true father.

What has happened to us? For a person who doesn't know better, the religion can seem like one big assault of din. Is there any love in Judaism?

The Modern Orthodox days justifying killing of Palestinians. The Yeshiva world just pummels everybody with authority and threats and ridiculous expectations. The Chassidic world I don't know so much about as they talk Yiddish.

So let's address it. To say your life isn't your own has a certain philosophical truth but don't take it too far. God owns your life but He gives it back to you when it says in Pirkei Avos, if I am not for me, who is for me, and raise the child according to his way. Your life is yours under the guidance of God. Anybody who tells you that in absolute terms your life isn't your own doesn't believe the same about himself. He's trying to own the both of you. And yes, we see that Menashe did teshuva even though he killed scores of people. There is hope for all of us. What matters most, says R' Miller, is what you are in the end.

As for the abused boy doing teshuva, that is just stupid. And the rabbis who talked that way were famous names. They are so out of touch, so lost. They don't know how to comfort. He was not bar mitzvah for one thing. And even if he were, he was dominated by an older brother.

The rav teaching Torah becomes like a father in small dimensions. Let's not get carried away. These things aren't to be taken literally. A good father teaches the basics of Torah life and those are everything. The Vilna Gaon always gave honor to the teacher who taught him aleph-beis.

Sigh. So sad what we have today.