In my opinion, yeshivos for baalei teshuvah should refrain from studying Gemaras in Seder Nashim, at least not the parts that deal with sex. These young men were sexually active in some way or were drowned in salacious media before coming to yeshiva. Now, they are told to be completely celibate. In many cases, the yeshiva staff hold them back from going out on shidduchim or make them poor candidates for shidduchim by indoctrinating them with the notion of never-ending full-time study and refusing to ever talk about earning a parnassah even though in most cases there’s a dearth of women in the older age groups who are interested in a man who can’t earn a parnassah. Even if the yeshiva staff encourage them appropriately, many baalei yeshiva encounter many difficulties in getting married. Then the schools have them studying Gemaras that discuss sex and halachic issues with virginity, intercourse, and even sexual positions.
The insensitivity of these married rabbis astonishes. I
know a young man who told a mashgiach at a famous yeshiva that page thirteen
of tractate Kesubos, which discusses whether an inserted piece of wood
would end a woman’s virginity, was giving him sexual thoughts. The “mashgiach,”
i.e. the spiritual supervisor who is supposed to know people barked at him,
“That’s because you are not learning lishmah!” i.e. not studying with
the right intentions. I know another young man who complained about a Gemara in
tractate Kiddushin which discusses in graphic detail what degrees of
sexual intercourse (I won’t elaborate) end virginity. The married with children
rabbi who was conducting the class dismissed the complaint and showed no
sympathy at all or willingness to skip the Gemara next time around. You start
to wonder, are these people sadistic or just mindbogglingly
self-absorbed? If nothing else, they are focusing on Torah study without regard for mitzvah observance.
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