Biggest of the challenges

Biggest of the challenges

There are many challenges in becoming Torah observant. The general life changeover is challenging, changes in diet, in clothing, in daily routine, in social associations. Losing friends is very difficult. I'll never get over that. Saying goodbye to 98% of the human race isn't easy, this idea that everything is for klal Yisroel. That's a big pill to swallow for people raised under secular humanism. Limitations in where one can live take getting used to. The style of the literature takes a while to adapt to, abrupt changes in narrative, intentionally non-parallel word order, lessons learned from extra letters - all that stuff, plus that it's all written in a foreign language. The subject matter is challenging, particularly the parts about genocide and slavery and capital punishment for lighting a match on the wrong day. And that's just the Chumash. The Gemara is another ball of wax altogether. And then there's a myriad of halachos: kashrus, chometz, lashon hara, shatnez, perfect honesty in business, taharas hamishpacha, shmiras einayim. And there's the enormous financial burdens. And then there’s feeling like a second-class citizen. And this is the short list. There's so much more.

Just as difficult as all of that, as difficult as it has been, is the sexual frustration, at least for men. Women may not be able to relate. For the men, it's a kind of gehennom. Given how we grew up, to go completely cold turkey, you can lose your mind. For many, this goes on for years. For some it continues in marriage. So if you want to get some grasp on what men go through in that area, consider how hard all the other stuff is put together. Pretty difficult, no? Put it all together. That’s what the sexual stuff is like for the men.

But believe it or not even harder than that is getting used to the negative aspects of the contemporary Jewish personality. By that I mean headstrong, opinionated, stubborn, angry. Few people respect other people's thoughts. In conversation, you can't get in a word. If you try, it's a battle for air time. It's brutal. Your own brain gets stuffed with competing dogmas and you can't think. You feel you are not allowed to think. You are told you are not allowed to think. This makes all the aforementioned stuff 5x harder. Because when you don't think, you can't solve problems, you can't adapt intelligently to the new way of living and seeing life.

There are many challenges in joining the Jewish people. The biggest of the challenges are the Jews themselves. And I’m not a ger. I have Jewish family. And they are quite difficult. But I wasn’t surrounded by that kind of person and authority figures weren’t necessarily that way.

This message isn't intended to scare anyone away. The solution is to get busy thinking and to avoid overbearing people. At least don't take them seriously. Yes, you are allowed to think. You are required to think. The concept of having a rav has become comically exaggerated. It never meant turning off your brain. It means getting some assistance in your thinking, with major decisions. In many respects, we all have to be our own rav. You have to lead your life with intelligence. That means thinking. With that, and God's help, you can get through all the other stuff and arrive at a beautiful destination, one that makes it all worthwhile.