Terror

"We have internalized the values of our oppressor."

If I had to describe the yeshiva world in one word it would be terror -- terror of the world, terror of the billions of gentiles, especially the Arabs, especially the Palestinians, especially the Gazans, especially the  Europeans, especially the Russians, especially the Americans, especially any gentile who is nice to you. Terror of anything they produce, of all their knowledge no matter how good it sounds. Terror of their religions in every respect. Terror of non-religious Jews. Terror of modern Orthodox Jews.  Terror of anybody, no matter how learned, who reduces even one micron your fear of everything. Fear everybody on the planet who doesn't wear a black fedora even as they are some of the scariest people of all. Fear any shirt that isn't white.

Then there's terror of punishments in the next world which is more terrifying than any earthly terror. Even olam haba is framed with fear, the fear of missing out on it. Mitzvos are terror as they are these things for which you will be punished if you fail to do them perfectly or if they get in the way of your Torah study which is said to be so much greater, which means you must fear it even more for not doing it every second.  

Then there's the terror of oneself, of the yetzer hara which is a term for whatever your own head produces, terror of your own feelings, terror of your sex drive if you are a man, or of your own body if excites the sex drive of men. You should be terrified of yourself they say. You can't listen to yourself. You listen only to the Rosh Yeshiva when you can get five seconds with him at which time he terrifies you.

But don't fret because we have Torah study, i.e. 'learning' Gemara, the one good thing in life but it is scary too because it's so confusing, and so difficult, and written in an ancient language that you never study. You never 'learn' enough of it, never do it perfectly enough, and for that failure you will endure even more gehennom where you will face god who you are told to fear. He's very scary. You learn about him as you read the Torah portion twice each week as you are required to do or risk being punished and hear about the punishments that he inflicts on everybody who doesn't fear him enough. 

And if you are not frightened enough, you should be terrified that you are not happy as you endure all this terror. You will be held accountable for not being happy being terrified. You must even fear your own unhappiness as well as your fear because you are supposed to have trust in this god that you are supposed to fear. 

That to me is the yeshiva world. Everyone is talking about terrorists. These people are the real terrorists. Somewhere, somehow, they took a wrong turn.