To sum it up

You hadn't been keeping mitzvos. Now you keep them. That's the main thing. That, and trying to do it with your dignity and sanity in place. All the hype, and ambition, and fanaticism only ruins it. Don't worry about being a talmid chochom, or a kollel guy, or living in Israel, or even being a tzadick. You don't even know what all that means so how can you insist on it? That's all irrelevant. You keep mitzvos now. That's it. Everything else is whatever. Mostly jive talk. To keep your sanity, you have to stay away from people because most of the frum world is crazy, especially the rabbis. They are mostly nutjobs and megalomaniacs. Keep your brain and try to manage a peaceful life, with a normal spouse. Don't rush into marriage. Wait for a good pitch. Take your time with dating. Date the person for a damn year if you need to. Never, ever, ever marry in less than 5 months. And if there are red flags, end it or take a break until you get your mental clarity back. Make sure you are comfortable. And men, you are not a beast a burden. If the fucking woman can't get on board and contribute to the dating you don't want her. It's not worth it to marry one of these childish selfish assholes. Wait for a good pitch. Get yourself a home. And proceed from there. Every day you will meet another kook who tries to ruin you with his extremism. It's the greatest danger of being Jewish, all the arrogant douchebags who think they know it all, who try to take over your brain. Stay away from those people and just do your thing. They don't know any better than you. Most of them have never seen anything about life and what they have seen is warped by their looney minds. Don't go near those people. You can survive. You don't have to love Eretz Yisroel or Klal Yisrael. Both are pretty damn hard to love. Pains in the assess. And the state of israel you can't love at all. It's disgusting. So forget all that. Yeshiva is a bad idea in most cases. More crazy rabbis to take you out of reality. Just buy a few books. It's good enough. You try that's all, in a normal healthy way. Good things will come. Don't try to be rich. Don't try to be a leader and a bigshot. Just be normal and happy and private. Happiness is very important. You will not last as a Jew if you are unhappy. So live somewhere that you like with someone you like and keep your hobbies and try to be happy.