more deceptive recruiting

 

Our Philosophy

Reform…Conservative…Orthodox..

Especially Now…Labels are for clothes, not Jews!

Aren’t you tired of being labeled? Aren’t you tired of squabbling among all the different movements? Particularly in this time of tragedy and challenge, we as a people simply cannot have this. We at the Flame Alternative Service have a solution. You see, we aren’t orthodox, conservative or reform, we’re just Jews. And we think that religious services should be about you – about your feelings, your thoughts, about being a better person and dealing with the tragedies and joyous events that we can share. You know, the real Jewish issues. (About Us – The Jewish Flame)

But they are Orthodox. I know them. Here's their visiting instructor. (He may not know about the website.)

Rabbi Benjamin Hecht - Torah Morality Versus General Morality - YouTube

About Nishma

How can they say that they are not Orthodox? They do it because they fear that the word scares people away. Some groups just avoid all terms. Here they say explicitly that they are not Orthodox. But they are! It's deceptive. 

Ezekiel 5:6-7

But she rebelled against My rules and My laws, acting more wickedly than the nations and the countries round about her; she rejected My rules and disobeyed My laws.

Assuredly, thus said the Lord GOD: Because you have outdone the nations that are round about you—you have not obeyed My laws or followed My rules, nor have you observed the rules of the nations round about you—  Ezekiel 5:6-7

marriage and bt yeshiva

 And Rabbi Yoḥanan says: For any man whose first wife dies, it is as if the Temple were destroyed in his days, as it is stated: “Son of man, behold, I take away from you the desire of your eyes with a stroke; yet neither shall you make lamentation nor weep, neither shall your tears run down” (Ezekiel 24:16). And it is written: “So I spoke to the people in the morning and in the evening my wife died” (Ezekiel 24:18). And it is written in the continuation of the same passage: “Behold I will profane My Sanctuary, the pride of your power, the desire of your eyes” (Ezekiel 24:21), illustrating that a man’s wife is as precious to him as the Temple is for the entire Jewish nation.

Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥman says: For everything that is lost there is a substitute, except for one’s wife from youth who dies, as it is stated: “And a wife from youth, can she be rejected?” (Isaiah 54:6). - Sanhedrin 22a

 

You see marriage is serious business. But you wouldn't know that from BT yeshiva. I spent four years in BT yeshiva. We never discussed marriage at all, were never encouraged to date, were never given help with shiduchim. And you need help because the way it works is so different from the 'outside' world. The only thing that mattered was Brisker lomdus. In fact, we were discouraged from dating, after all that would take us out of yeshiva and they need the bodies to get the donations to pay their salaries. And what do they care about finding wives, they are married. As I have said before, many kiruv people aren't kiruv people. They just work in BT schools. It's a parnassah, one they have no other way of earning since they have no job skills. 

What we didn't do in frum dating

Shiduchim was a nightmare, but not just because of the disappointments, discomfort, and work. Maybe the worst part was how mercenary it was and how it made me. In the good old days, I met people and we got to know each other and felt an excitement as we did so. I didn't grade people based on their family or their fertility. I didn't worry about their age. I didn't grade them on their looks. Frum dating  turns people into a cut of meat. The one thing we didn't do was get to know each other. Everything was an exam. Do you have a chavrusa? Do you have a rav? 

How about just seeing if you like the person? We didn't do that. 

more on the manalist propaganda

Several of the big figures that the Manalists hold up as being proof of their ownership of the mesorah are:

The Steipler - his father was a Chernobler chossid, davened nusach Ari.

Rav Chaim, his son, wore a gartel. 

Reb Moshe Feinstein - his father grew up Chassidic and his grandfather was Chassidic.

Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky - his mother grew up in a Chabad home.

Reb Moshe:

Yisrael Asper 1/30/05   #279278    In the introduction of the eighth volume of Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's Egros Moshe it says on page 6 which is a part of the biography of his life that his father's father was a Koidanover Chassid and so was Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's own father but that in order that Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's father could marry with the approval of her father who was from a line of fervently Misnagdic rabbis, Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's mother he had to stop being a Chassid. This was agreed upon by both of Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's grandfathers. It seems a little liberal that the marriage was able to go through since Rav Moshe FEINSTEIN's father's ancestor's brother the Vilna Gaon and other Misnagdim would not have wanted to have anything to do with a Chassid. Being Chassidic ever just cut you >from the family tree so what important ancestry could you boast of anymore to get you into families which care about such things. My own ancestor the Noda Byehuda though a sharp Misnaged himself befriended and respected certain Chassidic Rebbes and surprisingly the Maggid of Dubna who was a close friend of the Vilna Gaon also had respect towards Chassidim who he felt were worthy.

they know nothing?

I don't deal with yeshiva people so much anymore, but in the last few weeks I did on two occasions and on each one heard yeshiva rabbis disdain their students, saying these bochurim don't know anything. that's the phrase they use. "They don't know anything!" They exclaim it. Anything, as in nothing? They know nothing? A 25 year old man knows nothing?

That's what they tell you about yourself so that you'll become a good slave. If you know nothing, you better just listen and absorb what the wise middle-management rabbi has to say to you about yourself.

my use of the shiduch resume

 

I started to use a shidduch resume mostly because the shadchanim didn’t seem to own any pens or utilize their mental memory banks. They never knew anything about anyone, except maybe a phone number. I guess they had little phone books. So I figured I better put describe myself on a piece of paper so as get more appropriate shidduchim that would still be a waste of time but it wouldn’t be quite as ridiculous a waste. 

But it has dawned on me slowly over the decades how much this damaged me. It’s bad enough when you put your career on a paper, and that’s only a list of jobs and responsibilities. But when you try to describe yourself, in one page, that’s rather limiting. People write books of poetry to describe themselves. They write 1000 page autobiographies. And I didn’t even have one of those ridiculous yeshiva resumes where I tell you the name of my brother’s yeshiva along with a list of all the rabbis to which I have demonstrated by obedience. I did try to describe an actual living, breathing human being. I even had a poem in there. 

But it was crafted for the market and then I felt that I had to mold myself to it, certainly on the dates. I became artificial and wasn’t being myself. And that was not useful for the dating. It’s bad enough that shidduchim is a show, but the dating resume made it even more of a show. 

The whole thing felt so immodest. I felt exposed, my details and my description along with my photo floating around town, hand to hand, being discussed, rated, graded. It was gross. Decades have passed. I still feel this way about it. I still think about it. 

I would never have a dating resume again. I’m not sure what the answer is to lazy shadchanim or to singles events where the women huddle in a circle talking to each other, not even looking at the men as Hispanic women do to show their interest. Jewish women aren’t usually very good at showing their interest. They expect you to read their minds and complain when you don’t. 

But the shidduch resume didn’t fix all that. I’m not sure what will, other than improved mental health, human dignity, and common sense in our little society.

hey it's just like being a BT

 Brooke Shields: It's a 'miracle' I 'survived' rape in my 20s (pagesix.com)

The model explained that she initially blamed herself for going to the hotel with the man in the first place.

“It was really easy to disassociate because by then it was old hat and because it was a fight-or-flight type of choice” she told People. “Fight was not an option, so you just leave your body. ‘You’re not there. It didn’t happen.'”

Shields noted that she has been sexualized in Hollywood for decades, beginning when she appeared nude in the 1978 film “Pretty Baby” when she was just 11 years old.

“It was just easier to shut myself off. I was good at it,” she told the magazine.

In a nutshell

For a yeshiva's mission statement, a writer wrote Ahavas and Yiras HaShem and the Rosh Yeshiva changed it to Ahavas Hatorah and Yiras Shemayim.

What he did was strip the word Hashem from the statement and replace it first of all with Torah. Love of Torah comes first for him. You don't love God, you love Torah. And of course by that he means Brisker Lomdus on a few chapters of the Talmud. Then Shemayim replaces God and for that you only feel fear. 

What does he mean by Shemayim? Isn't that a bit impersonal? Sounds like a committee. Is it the beis din in the sky that judges and decrees death for this or that? Is it actually the rabbis themselves? Is that what he has in mind? 

Let us remember that the Rosh Yeshiva is the highest in the yeshiva world echelon. He's better than the shul Rav, better even than the posek. He's the final authority on everything, even the question of whether you should take the COVID shot. "And today, he's a Rosh Yeshiva," is the best ending to any story in that world. I remember once walking down the street and a local rav told me to quit my job and become a rosh yeshiva. That's the ultimate. It's worth quitting your job for.

Is this person going to lead you to Hashem? Well to him and the people in his world, learning Gemara is the most religious experience you can have. It's the only religious experience that you can have. You can have it without ever mentioning God Himself. 

Yet, the Bible references God how many times? "In the Authorized King James version the word 'God' occurs 4,370 times. The word 'Lord', 6,855 times." That's over 11,000 times by the accounting of one of our Christian friends. Moses is referenced 803 times. So going by that, who is more important God or the biggest Rosh Yeshiva of all time? I know what Moses would say. 

Yet somehow the mission statement of a yeshiva isn't going to reference God. They'll even go as far as removing his name from the page. It's not just that they don't think of including it. They want it removed. 

And here’s some irony. From where did I get this phrase of “Ahavas and Yiras Hashem”? It’s from Rav Meshulem Dovid Soloveitchik’s approbation to a biography on his father the Brisker Rav. Rav Dovid wrote that Ahavas and Yiras Hashem was man’s purpose in this world. Rov Dovid wasn’t exactly a chosid. He was quite the Litvack, but the old kind, the real kind. What we have seen is a degradation. It’s like in the times of Enosh, they turned the intermediaries of God – the stars – into deities. That’s what’s been done in our generation with Torah and rabbis. 

So if you are wondering why you are weak in faith, now you know why. If you are wondering why you are a nervous wreck, now you know why. There's no God in the picture. “There’s no God in this place.” And the only reference to anything resembling Him is drenched in fear. The only time these people talk about bitachon is to make you feel guilty that you don't have it, that and to connive you to stay in kollel or move to Israel and best yet to be in kollel in Israel. The Rosh Yeshiva has bitachon, that's why he's a Rosh Yeshiva -- that's how they look at it. Meanwhile, he's living off of your donations, off of your terror of shemayim. It's like tithes to the old Church, buying your way into heaven -- heaven being that place to fear. 

A student of R' Yaakov Kamenetsky told me that Reb Yaakov told him in on the Shabbos of Slichos in 1983 that in Lithuania they spoke about 'aymas hadin', ie fear of divine punishment, but it was preceded by YEARS of teaching Ahavas Hashem. However, today people first teach fear before anything and this is "terrible."

Reb Yaakov added that when they spoke about 'aymas hadin' it was spoken about in general as faith in the reality of reward and punishment - not that on this and this specific aveira one will suffer eternal pain.

Reb Yaakov repeated this idea numerous times over the years.

A quote from the conversation: "Before people are taught about why they should love Hashem they are taught why they should be frightened of him...I don't understand why they do that".

I can tell you why. It’s because they want to dominate people, so they fill them with terror. And why do they want to dominate people? It’s because they removed God from the picture. They have replaced Him with pilpul of which they are the relative experts – much more than you. Thus, they replaced God with themselves. 

most important thing

 Most important thing for BTs is to get married. This is 1000x more important than learning Torah in yeshiva or at all. Here's an interesting stat:

For adolescents and people age 70 and over, masturbation was more common than sex with a partner. As for frequency, about a quarter of the men between the ages of 18 and 59 masturbated a few times per month to weekly. Roughly 20% masturbated 2 to 3 times each week. Less than 20% masturbated more than 4 times a week.

What is the “normal” frequency of masturbation?: Center for Female and Male Sexual Medicine: Urologists (njsexualmedicine.com)

Here's more: According to World's Largest Masturbation Survey, 92% of American men masturbate 

World's Largest Masturbation Survey Uncovers How Traditional Views of Masculinity Prevent Men from Having Fulfilling Sex Lives & Relationships (prnewswire.com)

• 17% had not masturbated in the past year
• 15% masturbate a few times per year to monthly
• 25% masturbate a few times per month to weekly
• 23% masturbate 2 to 3 times per week
• 20% masturbate more than 4 times per week

How Often Men Masturbate: What's Healthy vs. "Too Much" | mindbodygreen

How often men masturbate.

Some men masturbate weekly, some men masturbate daily, some masturbate a few times a month, and still others hardly masturbate at all. All of these masturbation frequencies are considered within the normal range for men.

Here's how often men between ages 25 and 29 masturbate, according to 2009 data from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, as collected by FiveThirtyEight:

• 17% had not masturbated in the past year
• 15% masturbate a few times per year to monthly
• 25% masturbate a few times per month to weekly
• 23% masturbate 2 to 3 times per week
• 20% masturbate more than 4 times per week

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In comparison, a 2008 study1 of British people between ages 16 and 44 found 73% of men had masturbated in the past four weeks,

How Often Men Masturbate: What's Healthy vs. "Too Much" | mindbodygreen

That stat is for men in general. Jewish men aren't allowed to masturbate so they need a release. Marriage is the only way. Note, that stat isn't for single men but all men in that age group. So you see even married gentile men are masturbating. 

But that's just one issue. Another is loneliness. Shabbos shouldn't be solitary confinement which is what it is like for singles. You can lose the ability to deal with this religion if you are not married - to somebody you like. That is essential. Don't worry about fertility. If a man is 40 and meets a 40 year old woman he likes, he should marry her. Having lots of babies just isn't in the cards for everyone. 

Same with religious ambitions. You want somebody in the ball park but getting all worked up about whether he has a chavrusa or a rav is foolish. This is where many of the woman stumble as they operate from all kinds of religious demands that they have been fed. That instead of getting to know a person and appreciating who they are. FFBs who obsess about somebody being a BT is also foolish. 

Look for someone you like. Don't worry so much about religion or fertility or money. Go for compatability. 

let the painting go

 John talks with CBS Mornings Anthony Mason - YouTube

"So I learned that like with painting, let the painting go where it wants to go. True art is when the artist is surprised himself." John Mellancamp