And
Rabbi Yoḥanan says: For any man whose first wife dies, it is
as if the Temple were destroyed in his days, as it is stated: “Son of man,
behold, I take away from you the desire of your eyes with a stroke; yet neither
shall you make lamentation nor weep, neither shall your tears run down” (Ezekiel
24:16). And it is written: “So I spoke to the people in the morning and
in the evening my wife died” (Ezekiel 24:18). And it is
written in the continuation of the same passage: “Behold I
will profane My Sanctuary, the pride of your power, the desire of your eyes” (Ezekiel
24:21), illustrating that a man’s wife is as precious to him as the Temple is
for the entire Jewish nation.
Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥman says: For everything that
is lost there is a substitute, except for one’s wife
from youth who dies, as it is stated: “And a wife from youth,
can she be rejected?” (Isaiah 54:6). - Sanhedrin 22a
You see marriage is serious business. But you wouldn't know
that from BT yeshiva. I spent four years in BT yeshiva. We never discussed marriage
at all, were never encouraged to date, were never given help with shiduchim.
And you need help because the way it works is so different from the 'outside'
world. The only thing that mattered was Brisker lomdus. In fact, we were
discouraged from dating, after all that would take us out of yeshiva and they
need the bodies to get the donations to pay their salaries. And what do
they care about finding wives, they are married. As I have said before, many kiruv people aren't kiruv people. They just work in BT schools. It's a parnassah, one they have no other way of earning since they have no job skills.
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