In some ways the women were more harmful than the rabbis. I saw early that the yeshivist rabbis were a bunch of ignorant tyrants for the most part. But you have to get married and the women -- at least the yeshivish ones -- are influenced by these men and insist that you be the slave of one of them for that is what the rabbis tell them. A solution is to find a guy who is more reasonable and talk to him now and again. You say he is your rav. It's a show. If she asks, do you have a rav? You say, I talk to Rabbi X as well as others. That way you are not lying.
The modern women are barely religious. They keep Shabbos. The topic of the day is the latest TV show and they are allergic to religious talk. They also don't take dating seriously. The yeshivish women want you in a box. You have to find one that isn't one or the other or just is a nicer person. That's rare, but there's a few out there. Don't worry too much about her modernity because fact is all the really religious ones are married already. You are going to have to deal with it and grow as best you can. You probably have your own issues. If you find one, don't let her go. You may have to drop as much as 3 points on your looks scale and 2 points on your intelligence scale. It's worth it. We all lose our looks after 40 anyway. She's 30 now. So you'll spend 10 years with her before 40 and 40 after. I have seen many really amazing looking women become blobs after 40. It's amazing how that happens.
I regret all the time I spent blind dating. It isn't a productive investment of time and energy for older singles. For the guy, it's 9 hours of work so he can be rejected in 9 seconds. I'm bitter about it. Blind dating is built for 19-year-old yeshivish people who marry the 3rd person they meet because his or her brothers go to the right yeshiva. It's usually a waste of time with older singles who are particular about all kinds of things, particularly those that they can't even articulate. Blind dating with FFBs is nearly worthless for BTs. They don't want us. We are a step down in their minds, regardless of what they are. Your better bet is singles' events or mixed Shabbos tables. Let them decide then that they don't like your eyebrows -- before all the shlepping and paying. Let them ask their deal breaker questions then. If you are to blind date, insist on the deal braker questions being hashed out beforehand. Must the man have a nightly chavrusa in Gemara? What if the woman's parents are divorced. All of that can be inquired about beforehand.
You have to be true to yourself in this life. You can't become somebody else so that you can get married. It will never work. And turning yourself into a beast of burden is another form of not being yourself. The Torah does not require you to lose your dignity.
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