This RH I did most of my prayers in English. Oy how refreshing. I was directed early on in my frum career to daven in Hebrew despite my objections. It came at me like so my rabbinical directives in the Haredi world: dictatorial, not to be questioned, above the realm of making sense or working for people, portrayed as 'the true and proper way.'
Yet, incredibly, my two yeshivot didn't offer grammar classes. Four years of study without a class in Hebrew. I just found out that I have been singing the Rebbe Nacham song wrong for 25 years. I have been saying 'col olam culam' when it should be 'culo.' Grammar.
I did teach myself grammar eventually, against the wishes of the Yeshiva heads. I can tranlsate most of the siddur, but that doesn't mean it speaks to me. The Hebrew just isn't natural.
Well, I did it my way finally this year and the results were promising. I actually got into the words. You see, I like English. I don't consider foreign languages traife. I think God made them after the Tower of Babel incident. They are miraculous really and beautiful.
I used the Sacks translation in the Soloveitchik Siddur. Some key differences from Artscroll: Lord rather than Hashem. I have never taken to the word Hashem. It sounds like the name of a strange god to me. I try to translate it in my head as 'the name,' but I still feel like I'm talking about an Egyptian god or something.
Loving-kindness rather than just kindness. The former makes me feel loved. The latter makes me feel that God has nice qualities but His relationship to me is impersonal. He's kindly. That doesn't mean He loves me or that I'm lovable. And after 25 years of being taught have little other than terror of God, I need to know both things.
No comments:
Post a Comment