Tommy's Holiday Camp

Do you ever feel like you are in Tommy's Holiday Camp? Do you remember the rock song from the Who's Tommy album and movie? It's a song about the holiday camp where all the followers of Tommy, the "deaf, dumb, and blind" pinball wizard go to zone out in their worship of Tommy. I think the silly metaphor of a pinball player is intentional to show the foolishness of cults.

I often feel like I'm emerging from a holiday camp on Saturday nights. I think this is because the frum world in general walks around in such a bizarre daze half the time and on Shabbos I am immersed in it. BT gatherings can be particularly bad.

I didn't become frum because I met these wonderful frum people who were such a change from my empty life. I didn't feel I was leaving a life of emptiness and lies when I became frum. I was just moving to a higher place. My life had not been emptiness. Rather, it got me to the point where I figured out there was a Torah. In fact, I found in many respects more emptiness and lies in the frum world.

So for me, becoming frum was largely rational. Turning off my brain was never part of the deal. The problems of life didn't go away. I just got some new tools for dealing with them.

I don't call something wonderful unless I really feel that it is. I don't pretend all the rabbis are wonderful. I don't pretend I love all Torah material. I don't pretend that I don't miss any of my prior life. Rather, I miss lots of it. I try not to walk around in a daze of pretend wonderfulness because when I do I feel like I'm in Tommy's Holiday Camp.

(Uncle Ernie:) Good morning campers!
I'm your Uncle Ernie,
And I welcome you to Tommy's Holiday Camp!
The camp with a differance
Never mind the weather
When you come to Tommy's,
The holiday's forever!

The camp with a differance
Never mind the weather
When you come to Tommy's,
The holiday's forever! haha!

None of this means that I don't value my Torah life. I value it very much. It addressed many of my deepest concerns about life. And when I open myself to the full range of Torah material, I feel very much that I am alive and thriving. But it isn't all wonderful. The holiday is not forever, ie all day long.